I cannot tell you how much this is true. I just go up and down and up and down... endless cycle.
1. Exams were very stressful, but I survived and passed every class so THANK GOD.
2. My mom came and helped me pack up basically everything in my apartment since I'll be gone all summer and then moving into a new apartment. It took a couple days but it went pretty smoothly.
3. I got a new car! :) As you might now, a couple of months ago my car basically died and I went through a rental and then my mother's car for a while. Then last week I came home from college and on Saturday my folks decided for "family day" we would go look at cars, just to get a feel basically. But in the end they couldn't walk away from this one car which would be safe and durable and practical! It's a 2007 Toyota Corolla, "Cactus Mica" colored, and it's wonderful. Here's a pic:
4. The biggest thing I've been dealing with though... is loosing my best friend. I mean, it was my decision. I did it. But it hurts so much still. And you might be asking yourself, well why did you give him up then? Well... long story not as long: I've known him for a very long time, seven years, and he was my sort of... first love I suppose. We never dated or anything, but he was my first kiss and my best friend and it just turned into that. We always lived too far apart to ever be anything until college, when I thought we could attempt... but he didn't. And tried telling myself for a long time maybe, maybe, maybe... but I finally came to realize that if he ever wanted us to be anything... he would have done so already. If he WANTED me, he knows he could have had me. So obviously, he didn't want me. Or want me enough. In his own words, "if I were single and you went to Texas State..."
But it wasn't all him. He slightly led me on, but I let myself be lead down this path. He was with another girl and yet I still held out hope that he would change his mind? How stupid am I? I practically had him on a pedestal, always keeping this hope that "next time" he wouldn't drop our plans because his girlfriend didn't approve, and "next time" he would do this or that... when I had no experiences to back this up on. I decided to force myself to move on, to not expect so much from him when he has a girlfriend he obviously loves already (you don't stay with someone for over a year if you don't, right?) and I'm just... the girl that is a friend. I was never going to come first so I needed to stop being disappointed every time it happened. It wasn't fair to him or myself.
So I told him I was taking myself out of the equation (I was really an annoyance to his girlfriend anyway) and if he really wanted to talk or see me... I would always be here. And of course it hurts that ever since that conversation he hasn't spoken to me in any way, shape, or form, but I guess I deserve it.
... Well, ending on a down but I try to keep positive every day.
Roses,
Allison
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